a CaTastRopHe on a BirtHDay

It was a surprise planned.

Travelled the miles to search for the perfect gift.

Spent hours to spot the best 'diamond'.

Even set aside a large amount of hard earned gold for the gift.

Did not feel the loss. It was all worth it.

Because it was a birthday for u.

Someone special in our hearts.

The skies turned dark.

The white turned grey.

Yells and scolds were heard.

Banging of doors beat our eardrums.

Air of tension filled the whole place.

No one spoke. Silence.

It was the best way. Everyone knew.

Denying words were shot through the tense air.

The bomb was lit.

The explosion hurts each and every one of our hearts.

Cried. Disappointed. Helpless.

Why is it us?

The white side fought.

Tried hard to understand and wear ur shoes.

Hearts thumping hard.

Blood rushed out filled with anger, complaints and confusion.

The happiness to celebrate was destroyed.

How could we sing the HAPPY BIRTHDAY song in such awkwardness?

Will the words even mean anything?

Everything became unplanned.

Hatred and sadness have to fade first. We decide.

The gift is waiting to be opened.

The cake is waiting to be eaten.

The candles are waiting to be lit.

So much sadness.

So much dislikes.

So much disappointments.

So much complaints.

So much of these on a birthday.

The Mask

Black and white.

Sad and happy.

She laughed. She smiled. She was having a good time. She was a joyful and a chatty girl. She appeared to everyone as someone who's ignorant. As long as the matter's not that major... she will just forget about it.

Behind the mask...

Broken. She cried. She struggled. She begged for mercy. Everytime she fell... she would stand up by herself and strengthened herself again. She didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her. She hated it. She wanted everyone to just act normal. The staring of the people surrounding her. She felt like a failure.

No No. It's no big deal. Just ignore what other people think. She kept telling herself that. The shame, the disappointments... She decided to put it all away. She will hide it. Close it and pray that no one will discover it.

Her family knew her well. Or maybe it goes in the family? They didn't comfort her exaggeratingly... They just acted like it was fine. Nothing had happened. It's true that family knows you the best...

Her true feelings are masked by her cheerfulness. Her weakness is masked by her strength outside. She will strive on. She will be strong and never looked down.

And maybe one day... she can take off that mask and be her self.

here's a lyrics to a song, ...

Breathe Again
Juwita Suwito

Have u wondered how it feels when it's all over
wondered how it feels
when u just have to start anew
never knowing where u're going
when u face a brand new day
it used to be that way
now I just close my eyes and say...

Ref: I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and pain
discover how to laugh a little
cry a little
live a little more...

I just wanna face the day
forget about the wars of yesterday
maybe if I hope a little
try a little more...
I'll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
disappointments come and go
but life still moves on
with a bit of luck, it's a brand new start
that might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don't wanna live on life's replay

Ref

Bridge: Things will work out fine
if u just find the courage to look past the night
to see the break of dawn

~~~

A song that I'm currently learning to sing...
It's a very inspiring song... A song about, I'm sure, everyone's life...
Everyone has their own little secret... And also their own little problem...

Sometimes life can be so harsh...
So difficult that you feel like you wanna give up (believe me I know^^ )

But life goes on...
I'll feel better knowing that I have God who knows what's ahead of me :)
Blessed that I can still breathe and live a normal life...
Glad that He has given me the courage to keep on going and trusting in the future...
Altho it may seem a bleak darkness...
The sun will shine again... Yes I know the sun will shine upon me once again...*___*

OVERLOAD!!!
Piles of Paperwork

'...So, in the next class, we'll have presentations on different topics...''...You'll have 2 weeks to do your investigation and present it to the class...'

Okay. Let me get this straight. I know I said school was bored and the classes were not important before... But that doesn't mean that I want to have a stack of projects and reports right in front of me!!! So... I had to squeeze in all my schedule...

Tues - I was picked up from school, but had to pick up my brother at Kuningan... so I was chased by the thought that my team members are waiting for my report!!! *confused mode* So I ended up opening my laptop and reading the information i have in my laptop... I tried to prepare as much as possible... It was tiring... plus the holding of the pee... (okay, dun ask me for details) when I got home, I can't do anything else first (not even changin my clothes!!) except to do the report... It took me 2 hours to finish it!! *Phew* then I can breathe... and then I took a shower (AT LAST) at 10 plus... Then went to sleep... I thought I'll rest more tomorrow...

Wed - as it turns out... It's almost no rest day too!! I had to make a presentation for the next day!!! Arghh!! And the worst thing is... my biggest temptation... my biggest fearr!!! my sister called me...'Hey!! You wanna go to TA with me and Deasy?' I know. I know. I should reply,'Ooo...I'm sorry... But I got a presentation to do for tomorrow...' In my mind, I just knew that was the right thing to do... But my heart is saying otherwise... And after a lot of debate going through my head, I replied,' Ooo...OKAY!!^^' It's bad I know... But I really need some clothes!!! (seriously...) So I got home at around 10 plus too... Took a shower and did my presentation... I ended up sleeping at 11 plus too... Sigh Sigh Still I thought to myself..
It's okay... I'll rest tomorrow...

Thurs - I really was determined to rest today!!! :) well.. well.. things are always in the way of my plan... I went home... and actually had nothing in particular.. Just went to fitness.. I got home at around 9 plus... I was going to sleep early... as i've promised myself since 2 days ago... But my sis wanted to watch the new Japanese series ( check
on my blog for the new post on this series!!!) so we watched... I ended up sleeping at 11 plus again... Okay,.. I give up...

So... Today is Friday... it's 11.34 PM and I'm still awake.. altho my eyes aree heavy like they weigh a tonne each!! And yeaaa.. I didn't have an afternoon nap either.. Because I went to see a movie with my friends!! hehe That's just me.. I'll just have to pray hard that my pimples won't come out!!! Pleaseeee.... *__*

GoLF: the most prof sport

Getting tanned. Expensive expenditures. Pressure on patience.

Those are some of the risks of this what seemed to be a sweat-free sport. (personally) Getting the most basic swing right is extremely hard, not to mention mastering the sport. In this sport, I realised that our minds, at times, need to concentrate in keeping an arm (left) straight. Honestly, in 10 trials, I only succeeded less than 5 times in keeping my left arm straight during the swing. Basic swing, mind you. Obviously, my talent doesn't lie in this area...

The heat of the golf course is something that you will need to be able to stand. I don't think there is a single golf player that isn't tanned. (Okay we're not talking about those who doesn't have the genes to have shades in their colour skins.) Frankly speaking, I think the cap doesn't help at all...

Long before I have a go in swinging the golf stick (is there actually a specific name for it?!), I thought the only exercise that the players do in golf is the short, casual walk across the course to get to the next spot. (since for long distances, the players will tend to drive the tiny, toy-like car...)Now, I have a completely different perception of golf. It is a tough game. A game that will definitely toned your arms. Yeah, deltoids, triceps and biceps family...

It is a game that tests your patience. A game that will need you to control your level of strength. A game that certainly needs a lot of practice, accuracy and calculations. Finally, a game that needs talent to master it.

Imagine the small flag located hundreds metres away from you... That's your target. And now you are supposed to swing this golf stick made with specially designed material (which I'm not going into details about...) and hit the white, hard ball... In calculation with the speed of the wind, the spot where the stick hit the ball and the strength you transfer to the ball, the ball have to miraculously land somewhere near the coloured flag. Unbelievable Tiger Woods. *shake head*

In spite of all the risks and level of difficulty, golf, I have to admit, is the most professional-looking sport. You know how in the movies they always try to make a business deal in the golf course? Yeah... probably that's why it looked all so professional and business-like.

In any case, it is still a sport with competitions and trophies. Just like any other.^^

ZiTs AtTaCk!!

I wonder why God created these red spots on our faces... There was a saying that goes,'Everything is created for a purpose.' I wonder what acnes' purpose is?! c'mon... they only make more people turn their heads back at us and murmur some comments... (not compliments, i can guarantee)

Girls. Girls. Girls. I know because I am perfectly one^^
Girls LOVE beauty.
Girls LOVE perfection.
Girls LOVE soft skin.
Girls certainly HATE pimples!! (any disagreements, gals?!)

(4 é guys out there) U might wonder what actually causes these zits to appear? Lemme tell ya...

For me... and I will once more empasized FOR ME... These annoying, itchy, ugly pimples appear before the 'moon' comes... (u knoww...the girls' thing~~)
OR the acnes will appear due to lack of sleep for a few days.

...silence...

okay. I know most of u might be ooohhh-ing and aaahhh-ing at this moment. :o :a
'What does lack of sleep has to do with pimples?!'
'It's just ur feeling!!'
'It's definitely a coincidence...'

I don't exactly have to scientific explanation. But it DOES happen to me!! (not exaggerating. in perfect condition while typing these.) Whenever I slept late for a couple of days and woke up early the next day, I would get a red spot on a specific part of my face. In just a few days, that red spot will turn into a gigantic pimple on my face!! Just great. When that happens, I will keep away my hair as much as possible (of course, looking well is a MUST); touching my face as little as possible and banning anyone (including people who are closest to me) to touch my face.

Yeah. Believe me. Extremity is needed at times like these.

After a week or two, the zit will be completely wiped out!!

*Phew* All the hard work is paid off...

a HoPe wOrtH WaItinG FoR

Darkness. I can't see a thing. Fear is rushing into me. I'm scared.

Questions start to flood within my brain. What if I can't find the way out? What if no one out there can help me get out from this bleak darkness? What if...? What if...?

My head hurts due to the increasing speed of the neurons, bumping in every part of my brain. Questions left unanswered are stinging in my ears. I cannot stand the clamour. I cannot hold the pain...

I ordered my legs to stop walking forward. I have to clear my mind. Rewinding to where it started...

~~~

I am running. 'Too fast! Slow down!' But I can't control it. I am being pulled by a light filled with excitements and happiness. The warning doesn't stop ringing in my ears. I ignore it.

*Bump!* I was on the ground. Or was it floor? By now, the light has switched off to a desperately blinking spot. I'm lost. No idea where to turn, no idea where my destination is.

Got on my feet. Started to take a step. Slowly and precariously this time. Am I doing the right thing?! Will this work out? I'm standing on a unlevel groundings...

~~~

I have to do something. I have to find the exit. No avail. Should I go back?

I am not a risk taker. I will stay in my spot. I will hold on to the memories filled with excitements and happiness. One day. One day when that light starts to shine again. Yes. I will be moving forward. Once again.

But for now. I will hold on to the hope of the past. The promises of the past.

A hope worth waiting for... ^^

...bIrThdAYs...

Presents. Cakes. Cards (with writings that makes ur eyes watery!!). Foods (yummy yummy!!)...

Phew!! Isn't birthday what we've always been longing forward to?! All the suprises, excitements and of course the PRESENTS!! ooo... tell me about it... I LOVE pressies!! Although some of the presents I got may be left untouched for the next 2 years ahead, but still I felt happy whenever I see 'em!! ^^

Today. The 1st August is my lil cute friend's birthday. CINDY!! :)
On this day, she turned 18 years old!! OMG it's the legal age!! congratulations cinn!! :D u can go all over the place now... but BEWARE! drinking can be bad for ur kidneys!! *doctor-like expression* hehe



THe SuRpRiSE...
We (that's me, chintia, zola, surya and francis) were planning to go to her house after uni and arrived before she got home... Unfortunately... she had been planning to go to Puri Mall with her lil sista, Christy. So, we had lunch at this kwetiau place near our uni and surprised her there!! It was rather lame... cos the place wasnt exactly the kind of place u would held a birthday surprise... hehe... but it was FUN!! we took pix and actually ate the cake... (of course, after eating our kwetiaus)

Memories.

Birthdays are full of PRESENTS. CAKES. CARDS. FOODS. But the most precious thing (at least for me) is MEMORIES. It creates a memory that can never be erased in our genius brains.(thanx to the Creator ^^ )

Ahh... WaItinG for Feb... hehe~~

.A Bad Habit.

I'm sure everyone of us has bad habits (at the very least ONE). Whether it's not being able to control ur natural reactions, such as yawning; farting; burbing; etc, or even shaking ur legs when u're daydreaming. For me, it's the 20 little hard materials made of hairs on my fingers. NAILS.

I have tried to get rid of that bad habit since 5 years ago. I seriously tried. Well the first 2 years didn't work. I tried to let it grow till 0.15 cm, but I was nervous one day and started to bite it again. Then, the 3rd year, I succeeded in growing it till 1 cm!! (altho it's only the 2 thumb finger nails) The 4th year, all 10 fingernails grew 0.5 cm and lasted around... err... 1 month?! (okay... let me be honest... it's 2 weeks...) And FINALLY, the 5th year, I finally pat my back and said, 'well done!! Look at ur nails... How beautiful they are...' I even showed it proudly to my mom. (she always said that my fingernails are hopeless...) Then, one day, I decided to cut it short. Just because it's grown too long!! Whenever I lift things up, some of it will be bent and it hurts. Never realising that cutting it short was the biggest mistake!! I got nervous (again) one day and started to play with it. Then the upper layer of the nail started to peel off. (it doesn't hurt, mind u... but it leaves a rough surfaced nail) Great. Just the thing I need. As soon as one fingernail was ruined, one by one, the rest of the 9 followed. In just less than 2 weeks, 4 of my fingernails are short, rough and round looking things. Hopeless. Hopeless.

I always wonder what I like about playing my nails. It hurts and it's hard. Nothing to be fantasized about. But I still do it. At least I don't bite the whole nail off and swallow them... (some people do u know...) I went from biting them off then throwing them to half biting them then peel them off. The worse result is the latter one cos when u peel the nail, they are not evenly done across the nail. So yeah.. u'll end up with a extremely short nail just by trying to even it out.

WARNING! when u're nervous, just put ur hands in the pockets!!